Perhaps your past relationship experiences have been disappointing. You may have fallen deeply in love with someone who pretended to share the same vision of a future together, only for them to reveal down the line that they see themselves going down a different path in life.
Maybe a former partner was unfaithful, and now, you have trouble seeing yourself fully trusting anyone again. But you’ve entered another relationship, and you’re ready to work on rebuilding your sense of trust. Yet even though your partner has not done anything to hurt you, you still feel deeply insecure.
Here’s how to address these relationship insecurities in a healthy way.
Share Your Feelings with Your Partner
You might have tried to ignore your insecurities or brush them aside. Maybe you’ve even told yourself that you shouldn’t talk to your partner about these feelings. You may be concerned that if you tell your partner you’re feeling insecure, you’ll look “clingy” or needy. However, it’s very important to open up about these feelings.
By talking to your partner about your insecurities, you can address these issues directly. A caring, compassionate partner would want to know if you’re struggling with insecurities so that you can work together to build up your self-worth.
Identify Any Specific Triggers
Maybe there’s something your partner does unconsciously that reminds you of a past partner’s actions, or perhaps certain situations tend to set off your insecurities. For example, if you had an ex who had an affair with a close friend whom they always told you was “just a friend,” you might be worried about your partner’s friendships.
It’s okay to let your partner know this, and share that your insecurities can feel especially strong when they hang out with friends you haven’t met yet. Then, you could resolve this problem together. Your partner could make an effort to introduce you to more of their friends and give you the chance to get to know them.
Establish Reasonable Boundaries
Your partner should be willing to work with you to address your insecurities. However, both of you will still need time to yourselves, as well as a reasonable level of privacy. Spending every waking moment together isn’t possible. Therefore, work out what reasonable boundaries will look like. It’s healthy to have time to yourselves, as well as your own friendships.
Resist the Urge to Keep Asking for Reassurance
When you’re feeling insecure, it’s tempting to ask your partner for constant reassurance. This might make you feel somewhat better in the moment. But once enough time passes, you’ll be tempted to ask for reassurance about the same issue again. It can become a crutch. Eventually, you need to be able to weather these moments of insecurity without immediately turning to your partner for reassurance.
Work on healthy coping mechanisms you can rely on in these moments. They could be positive distractions, or mantras that you repeat to yourself for personal reassurance.
Consider Working with a Therapist
What if you have deep-seated insecurities that you and your partner just haven’t been able to fully resolve? It’s okay to turn to a therapist for help. You might benefit from attending some therapy sessions as an individual, but in this case, couples therapy would probably be especially beneficial.
With guidance from a therapist, you and your partner can learn how to let go of insecurities so that you build your relationship on a foundation of trust.
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Are you struggling with insecurities in your relationship? A therapist can help you address these complex feelings. Get in touch with us to learn more about booking your first session for couples therapy.