Maybe you’ve recently lost a loved one, and you can’t stop thinking about them. They occupy your thoughts around the clock. You fall asleep and dream about them, and when you wake up, their memory is the first thing that crosses your mind. You never want to forget about your loved one, but this constant rumination is starting to affect your quality of life. It’s hard to focus on anything else, and you feel as though you’re trapped by your grief. Yet when you do try to shift your attention, part of you feels guilty.
With time, it’s possible to end this cycle and step away from grief-based rumination while honoring your loved one’s memory. Here are a few recommendations to help you navigate this process.
Find Healthy Distractions
It’s easy to assume that “distracting” yourself from grief just means suppressing your emotions. But enjoying healthy distractions is actually a legitimate approach to breaking out of grief-based rumination without numbing your feelings. Drinking, substance abuse, and endless scrolling online are examples of unhealthy distractions from grief.
However, exercising, cooking and baking, reading engaging books, exploring outdoors, even grabbing coffee with a friend, or volunteering are all beneficial distractions that can help you clear your head and get back in touch with who you are.
Shake Up Your Routines
Does it feel like you’ve been going through the motions day in and day out? Perhaps you’re falling into a rut when it comes to your routines. You wake up, head to work, go home, and take care of your domestic responsibilities throughout the day. The monotony of your days only worsens the rumination, because there is nothing novel to focus on.
Try switching up your routines a bit when possible. Visit a nearby town on the weekend, pick out a new family activity, or even try something as simple as watching a movie that you wouldn’t ordinarily watch. A little bit of novelty can be helpful.
Dedicate Specific Time to Grieving
You do not need to completely “stop” grieving in order to stop ruminating. They are not the same concept. Instead, try allowing yourself to dedicate specific blocks of time during the day for grieving.
You can cry, write in a journal, pray, or even talk out loud about things you wish you could tell your loved one if you find it soothing. But when this period is over, you have permission to focus on other things.
Carry Out Grief Rituals
Sometimes, grief rituals can grant you a sense of closure regarding the loss of your loved one. Even if you’ve already had a public memorial or funeral service, there might be other rituals that are important to you, depending on your culture, religion, or even traditions you may have shared with your loved one.
Carrying out a grief ritual at a specific date and time each year can help you feel connected with your loved one so that you don’t have to remain stuck in rumination.
Talk to a Therapist
An external perspective can be deeply valuable when you’re dealing with rumination. If you feel like you can’t focus on anything besides your thoughts about your loved one, you might benefit from working with a therapist.
Seek out a counselor who provides grief therapy services. Sharing your thoughts out loud can feel freeing, and you can identify specific negative thought patterns that might be holding you back in your daily life.
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Are you struggling with grief-based rumination? A therapist can help you break free from this cycle. Fill out our contact form or call our office to schedule an appointment for grief counseling.