You’ve recently welcomed your first child into your family. The experience has been a rollercoaster of emotions and now, you’re struggling with a feeling that you never expected to encounter. You’re coping with an unexpected sense of loss for your former life before you became a parent. Part of you feels guilty for having these emotions at all. But at the same time, you can’t deny that you miss your old self. In fact, you might even feel like you’re mourning the person you used to be.
This does not mean that you regret having your baby or that you’re ungrateful for your new addition. But you need to honor and process these feelings in order to embrace this new chapter of your life. Here’s how to acknowledge these complex emotions after stepping into parenthood.
Let Go of Your Guilt Over These Feelings
First, you need to release the guilt that you might be experiencing. Parenting is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, you’ll miss those carefree days before you had so much responsibility! This does not mean that you’re a bad parent or that you don’t appreciate your child. Nor does it mean you’ve made the wrong decision about parenthood. You’re a human being, and it’s perfectly normal to need some time to adjust to new, challenging circumstances.
Find New Sources of Enjoyment in This Season
Right now, you might feel like you’ve suddenly lost all of your hobbies and old routines in one fell swoop. Each day seems uncertain and unpredictable. Try to identify a few moments of true joy each day that are unique to parenthood. Maybe it’s snuggling with your baby, sharing a funny photo of your child with your own parents, or a quiet moment with your partner and your baby at home. You might even want to write these moments down in a journal.
Reflect on What You Can Enjoy with Your Child in the Future
Parenthood might seem like nothing but stress and exhaustion right now, broken up by a few sweet moments. But in the future, you’ll be able to experience the hobbies you’ve temporarily pushed to the back burner with your child. Think about what you’ll be doing with your child when they grow up, and let yourself reflect on that happy vision of the future.
Lean on Your Loved Ones
Sometimes, you need some space to yourself. It’s okay to admit that you need a break and some “me time.” This is when you can lean on your partner, your parents, your siblings, or anyone else who you consider as part of your village. You may want to use some of this time to yourself to step out for a walk, go to the gym, or even read a chapter of a book. Tapping into your old hobbies for just a little while could be the breather you need!
Talk to a Therapist
A therapist can help you adapt to this new season of your life. You may be able to meet with a therapist online so that you don’t have to commute to an office and figure out childcare. This is often a convenient option for parents! By talking to a therapist, you can get your feelings off your chest in a non-judgmental environment. You’ll be able to bring your best self to parenting when you can be truly honest in therapy!
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Are you trying to cope with a sense of loss after becoming a parent? A therapist can help you chart a new path forward. Connect with us to learn more about your options for scheduling a session for postpartum therapy.