Maybe you’ve been struggling with a sense of disappointment, regret, and sadness that you can’t quite name. You might have given up on a long-time dream, or you may be processing the end of a relationship that wasn’t quite right for you. Perhaps you’ve gone through an experience that shook your sense of identity, like a faith crisis, the loss of a long-term job, or a big move away from your core community. You may be dealing with infertility or another emotionally and physically painful medical issue that challenges your sense of self.
Experiences like these are often characterized as “intangible losses.” They are not as easy to conceptualize or explain to others as the death of a loved one, which is the sole experience that most people associate with grief. But in reality, grief can arise as a reaction to all sorts of circumstances. Let’s explore how you can begin to process the grief around an intangible loss.
Acknowledge the Reality of the Loss
Allowing yourself to name your grief and acknowledge the reality of your loss can be a powerful first step toward healing. You do not need to minimize your feelings just because of the nature of your loss. Your grief is very real, and validating your own feelings around the loss is key.
Forgive Yourself
Intangible grief often comes with self-blame. You might spend hours questioning whether you did something to cause this loss. Perhaps you feel a pervasive sense of regret that you just can’t shake. But in reality, intangible losses are often outside of your control.
Instead, practice self-forgiveness. It can be tempting to ruminate on your mistakes as a method of “figuring out” exactly where you went wrong. But releasing the need to ruminate is freeing.
Get Comfortable with “Contradictory” Emotions
Your current circumstances might bring up complicated, contradictory emotions. Holding space for these emotions without forcing yourself to feel one way or the other is an essential aspect of honoring an intangible loss. For instance, you may need to accept that while you’re upset about the ending of your relationship, you’re relieved that you no longer have to deal with some downsides.
Rebuild Your Sense of Agency
Your intangible loss is not your fault. Yet focusing on aspects of your circumstances that are within your control can help you rebuild your sense of agency and start taking steps forward. This could be as simple as setting up a new daily routine that brings some structure to your week, or committing to a new hobby that temporarily takes your mind off of your grief.
Live in the Present
When you’re coping with an intangible loss, living in the present is easier said than done. But making a proactive effort to shift your focus to the present can help ease the pain you’re dealing with. This might include a meditation practice, grounding techniques, spending time in nature, meeting up with friends, or engaging in artistic hobbies.
Connect with People Who Understand
Perhaps your social circle doesn’t know how to respond to your loss. You may want to look for support groups in-person or online for people who are facing the same problems. Through support groups, you can find people who have walked in your shoes before and will not minimize your grief. They may be able to offer you valuable advice, or a shoulder to cry on when you need help.
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Are you struggling to process grief around an intangible loss? A therapist who specializes in grief therapy can help you chart a new course forward. Contact our practice to book your free consultation call.