How often do you tell yourself that you “should” do something? Sometimes, these “shoulds” are unavoidable. For instance, if your home is dirty, you know you should clean it, or if you need to go to work in the morning, you know you should go to bed early.
But sometimes, the phrase “should” can keep you from fulfilling your full potential. You might tell yourself that you should make a certain career choice or study a certain subject in order to satisfy the expectations of others. Or you might replay past events over and over in your head, thinking that you should have acted differently.
Here’s why dwelling on the term “should” can be so damaging.
Who Thinks You “Should?”
When you think that you “should” do something, it’s important to ask yourself a key question. Why do you think you should? Alternatively, who told you that you should?
Sometimes, you might come to the conclusion that whoever suggested it was right. For instance, someone might have told you to call an old friend you miss, and you’ve been putting it off. But at other times, you’ll likely realize that these ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do were projected on to you by other people.
Blocking Out Possibilities
If you’re stuck on the idea that you “should” do something, you can block yourself off from other possibilities. You might not consider doing something else that would actually make you happier.
It’s easy to get stuck in a framework that does not allow for flexibility. The idea that you’re not doing what you should can fill you with deep shame.
Ruminating on the Past
Sometimes, you’re not thinking about what you “should” do in regard to the future. Instead, you’re thinking about what you should have done in regards to the past. But you can’t fully enjoy the present when you dwell on past mistakes.
Perhaps you’ve made mistakes that you genuinely need to apologize for in order to release lingering guilt. That’s simply part of life. However, berating yourself for what you should have done can harm your mental health in the present. There comes a time when you need to let go of what happened in the past and start looking towards the future.
Holding You Back
The idea that you should take a specific path in life can hold you back from doing what you really want. And it can even paralyze you in one place. For instance, you might face pressure to take a certain step that you don’t want to take.
Yet at the same time, you don’t feel free to do what you actually want. Instead, you try to sit on both sides of the fence, and you end up making no progress at all.
Squandering Your Gifts
Finally, getting stuck with a particular idea of what you “should” do based on the expectations of other people or society as a whole can lead you to squander your own unique gifts. You may not even realize how much you have to offer if you’ve been led to believe that your strengths don’t have value.
Until you give yourself permission to explore alternate paths, you won’t realize how much you truly have to offer. The idea that you “should” do something that isn’t right for you can prevent you from going after what is right for you, leading to more regrets in the future.
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Do you feel you’re held back by ideas of things you “should” do? Talking to a therapist can help. Reach out to me today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.