You’re trying to relax as a parent, yet in today’s fast-paced, competitive society, it isn’t easy. You might worry that if you’re not signing your child up for enough activities, helping them get excellent grades, and carefully managing their day-to-day life, they will slip behind their peers.
These fears can start at a young age. It’s a well-intentioned approach, but unfortunately, “overparenting” can actually backfire. By overparenting, you can limit your child’s opportunities to learn valuable life skills and make their own decisions. Here are some of the risks of overparenting and how overparenting can affect children in the long run.
“Managing” Every Moment of Your Child’s Day
If your child comes home after school with nothing to do besides a quick homework assignment, you feel a vague sense of unease. Trying to schedule your child’s day meticulously with lots of extracurriculars can give you a sense of purpose. You may feel like you’re setting your child up for success in the future. But your child might already feel a sense of burnout at a young age. Furthermore, kids need unstructured time to learn how to get creative and cope with boredom.
Guarding Your Child from Taking Age-Appropriate Risks
No parent wants to see their child fail or get hurt. If your child is nervous about trying something new, it can be hard to push them forward. Over time, keeping your child from taking small risks can harm their wellbeing. Often, failure is the best way to learn important lessons.
Frequently Checking in With Teachers
Naturally, you want to make sure that your child is paying attention in class and completing their assignments. But if you’re incessantly checking your child’s grades, they might start relying entirely on you to help them in school. Their teacher may stop taking your concerns seriously over time. It’s a good idea to make sure your child is keeping up with expectations in class, but ultimately, school is their responsibility.
Concerns About Hiring Babysitters
Perhaps your child is still young enough that you can’t leave them at home by themselves. You rarely leave to do anything on your own because you don’t want anyone but your partner to stay with your child. Occasionally, you might ask another family member for help. It can be hard to find trustworthy babysitters and budget for their rates, but most children enjoy having time with their babysitters and like the presence of another fun, reliable adult in their lives.
Why Overparenting Can Lead to Anxious Kids
Sometimes, children need to stumble and fall, and then pick themselves back up, in order to learn. A child who is overparented will not get these opportunities. They might be extremely anxious to try new things or attempt something that they might fail at. As a parent, it’s never easy to watch your child deal with fallout from their mistakes. Yet this is all just part of growing up, and in time, your child will be thankful that you allowed them to learn from their experiences.
Lack of Independence for Young Adults
A child who is overparented will likely struggle to establish themselves as an independent young adult. They may be hesitant to move into a dorm while in college, have trouble finding a job or managing their finances, or even graduate from college late because they aren’t used to handling their own schedule. They need “practice” for these responsibilities as kids.
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Are you worried that you’ve been overparenting your child? A therapist can help you adjust your parenting style. Reach out to us to find out more about parenting therapy.