You and your partner love each other deeply. Yes, your relationship has its ups and downs like any other. But at the end of the day, you just couldn’t see yourself with anyone else. However, there’s one challenge that you can’t seem to overcome. You’ve realized that you both have different desires in the bedroom. Part of you feels guilty that you can’t seem to make your partner happy. Yet another part of you is frustrated because it feels like you aren’t having your own needs fulfilled.
But even if you and your partner have different desires in the bedroom, it doesn’t have to spell out the end of your relationship. Here’s how to cultivate a healthy sex life when your desires deviate from your partner's.
Communicate Honestly
First, it’s crucial to communicate openly with your partner. You might be embarrassed to talk about your own desires if you suspect that your partner doesn’t share them. Your partner might feel the same way! But if you speak honestly about what you both like, you might be surprised to find some common ground that you hadn’t discussed before.
Furthermore, you may realize that certain desires aren’t actually so important to you or your partner, and you could easily go without them. Communication is the only way to discover more about your partner, and vice versa. Do not hold back on having these conversations, even if it can seem awkward at first.
Discover What You Both Like
Even if you differ in some areas, you and your partner might share plenty of desires, too. Instead of focusing on your differences, why not try to prioritize the ways in which you’re alike? Focus on what you both enjoy. If you’re concerned that you’re lacking when it comes to shared desires, it’s time to dig deeper. You might want to experiment with something new and see how you both feel about it.
Explore Alternatives
What if there are alternative ways to fulfill each other’s desires without engaging in acts that one of you isn’t interested in or comfortable with? For example, you and your partner might have mismatched libidos, and you do not want to have sex as often as your partner does.
However, you could consider other activities that would still help cultivate a sense of physical intimacy, like giving each other massages. This is an opportunity to get creative and think outside the box.
Practice Self-Care Together
Sometimes, one partner might feel disinterested in sex because they haven’t been feeling like themselves lately. They might be struggling with their physical or mental health, or they may be feeling burned out due to chronic stress.
Practicing self-care as a couple can enhance your sex life, even if you do have some differing desires. Consider working out together, cooking healthy meals at home, making it a point to get more sleep, or freeing up time that you can spend with just each other. This might mean budgeting for a babysitter more often!
Consider Couples Therapy
Maybe you and your partner have been trying to find compromises that make you both happy in the bedroom, but so far, you’re coming up short. No matter what you try, neither of you feel truly fulfilled. This doesn’t mean that you have to give up on your relationship. Instead, you might want to work with a couples therapist, who can equip you with new strategies to address this issue.
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Are you and your partner struggling to cope with different sexual desires? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for women’s counseling.