If you’re a woman who has been trying to make new friends or deepen your relationships with old friends, you might be surprised by how challenging this process can be. You may be struggling to find times when your schedules align with your friends’ so that you can get together. Perhaps it’s hard for you or your friends to step away from childcare responsibilities or other family obligations. Maybe it’s tough to communicate your expectations to your female friends, or you worry that your expectations for friendship are too high.
Female friendships are precious, but it’s not always easy to foster these relationships. Here’s why it can be so tricky to cultivate strong female friendships.
Cultural Expectations Towards Spouses
When you’re young, friendships come first in life. But as you and your friends grow up, romantic relationships enter the picture. Once you have to balance friendships with partners and eventually, spouses, it’s harder to make time for each other. Additionally, bringing your partners along to get-togethers with friends does shift the group dynamic. This is true even if you get along with your friends’ partners and vice versa.
You may find yourself going on fewer girls’ trips or skipping nights out together for date nights with your partners. It takes a proactive effort to uphold your friendships once you and your friends have romantic partners.
Juggling Family Responsibilities
It’s tough enough to hold space in your life for friendships and romantic relationships. By the time you and your friends start having children, it’s even more difficult. Women often end up managing the bulk of childcare responsibilities, even in households where both parents work full time. For women without children, they might feel as though there is suddenly a distance between them and their friends who have become mothers. On the other hand, mothers might worry that their friends without kids won’t want to spend time with them anymore, especially if they have to bring their kids along.
Women are also disproportionately likely to assume responsibility for elder care in their families. This is another task that can pull them away from friendships.
Overworked and Overwhelmed
With most households requiring two incomes to stay afloat, women today are busy balancing careers and family obligations. However, this does not mean that household responsibilities are divided equally. Instead, women still spend more time on chores and childcare than men, which leaves them with far less free time to dedicate to friendships.
Discouraged from Being Direct
Aside from time constraints, there are other factors that can interfere with female friendships. Women are typically encouraged to be passive, and they’re taught that being direct is rude. When women are straightforward in sharing their feelings and opinions, they might be viewed as “negative” or “harsh.” As a result, women end up suppressing their own feelings and often struggle to communicate honestly with their friends. This can lead to minor issues that fester into ongoing tensions between friends.
Higher Expectations
Despite the obstacles to forming female friendships, women often have higher expectations of their friends than men do of theirs. This is often a positive aspect of female friendship, as women generally have larger friend groups than men and enjoy a stronger sense of community and emotional support. However, some women might struggle with these high expectations within friendships, especially if they are dealing with time-consuming issues in their personal lives. It can lead to mismatches about expectations between friends.
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If you’re struggling to cultivate healthy female friendships, we invite you to schedule a session with one of our women’s therapists. The right counselor can help you strengthen your relationship-building skills.