It’s easy to assume that love is all you need for a committed relationship. When you’re young, it can feel like the spark of romantic chemistry will keep you and your partner together forever. But as you grow up, shared values become just as important as that initial chemistry. In fact, shared values serve as motivation for making it through challenging times together, especially when the spark feels dim.
Naturally, your values extend to the way you treat your partner, as well as other people. To have a truly healthy relationship, both partners need to value kindness, empathy, and honesty. But it’s important to think about other areas of life as well. Let’s explore how your shared values can create the foundation for a strong, lasting relationship.
Lifestyle Choices
Lifestyle choices cover a wide range of values, from how you’d prefer to spend your downtime to whether or not you’d like to own pets. When your lifestyle lines up with your partner’s lifestyle, you’ll likely have less friction in your relationship. This does not mean that you always have to do the same things.
Chances are, you’ll each have a few hobbies and interests that are unique to you as individuals. But if one of you wants to travel the world full-time, while the other dreams of settling down in a small town, you’ll have difficulty building a future together that honors both of your needs.
Financial Habits
Perhaps you’re thrifty, career-oriented, and aiming for big financial goals like early retirement. Yet your new partner spends far more than you do and does not hold any particular career ambitions. They might be comfortable with carrying debt, while you work hard to stay debt-free.
When partners have different approaches to managing their finances, it can be tough to make mutual budgeting decisions. A partner who is a big spender can hold a frugal partner back from making financial strides, which can lead to resentment down the road.
Religion
Maybe religion has always played an important role in your life. Practicing your faith matters deeply to you, and you may want to specifically date someone who is part of the same religious tradition and shares your beliefs.
On the other hand, you might live an entirely secular life, and you hope to date someone who is on the same page as you. Religion is another value that can bring couples closer together, or come between them.
Political Views
While some couples don’t spend much time thinking or talking about politics, others are highly politically aware and may even be involved with volunteering or local campaigns. Some people are happy to date individuals who do not subscribe to the same political views. But political disagreements can indicate deeper disparities in your worldviews.
No one wants to deal with heated political arguments at home, especially in relation to pressing issues that affect your life. Sharing the same political views can certainly make it easier to get along.
Parenting and Family Boundaries
Finally, if you hope to have children one day, or if you already have a child, it’s critical that any potential partner you choose to date holds similar views on parenting and family boundaries.
Disagreements over parenting can drive a rift between you and your partner, and an inability to set boundaries with in-laws can also harm your relationship. It’s essential to talk about parenting and managing family conflicts early in your relationship to ensure you’re aligned.
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Are you questioning whether or not you and your partner share the same values? Reach out to our practice to explore whether couples therapy might be right for you.