As a parent, it can be hard to watch your child grow up and make their way in the world. It’s only natural that you feel protective over them. For years, they have depended on you for practically everything. As time goes on, you know that they’ll need to learn how to navigate life without you. But you’re keenly aware of all of the problems they could face, and you wish that somehow, you could shield them from any pain they might feel.
Helicopter parenting has its roots in good intentions. Every parent wants the best for their child. They don’t want to see their children get hurt. However, this can easily turn into an over-protective approach to parenting founded in anxiety. Here are a few telltale signs of helicopter parenting.
1. Fighting Your Child’s Battles
When your children are little, they don’t have much agency yet. If someone hurts them, it’s up to you to address it — they can’t stand up for themselves. But as your children get older, they need to learn how to communicate their own needs, advocate for themselves, and set boundaries.
It’s important for children to learn how to navigate difficult situations on their own. For instance, if your child is struggling with their grades in school, it doesn’t hurt to reach out to their teacher to ask how they could improve, or what they could do to improve their grades. However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that in situations like this, it’s ultimately up to your child to improve their own grades. In other words, you’ll eventually need to step back while your child takes charge of the issue.
2. Over-Scheduling Your Child
Today, it might seem like you’re expected to have an activity scheduled for your child at every moment of the day. One day, it might be soccer practice, and on another day, it could be a gymnastics class. Every weekend, there’s a new event that they’re expected to attend. But children can benefit from having a good amount of downtime. This gives them a chance to get creative and use their imaginations to stay entertained.
Sometimes, it can be hard to resist the urge to schedule more activities for your child because you feel the pressure to keep up with other families. But this tendency to over-schedule is a red flag for helicopter parenting. Your child doesn’t need to have every moment of their day mapped out. They need time to explore their own interests, too.
3. Expecting Perfection
You want your child to explore their talents and fulfill their potential, but you don’t want this hope to turn into perfectionism. It can be tough to tell when you’re pushing perfectionist standards, or when you know that your child can do more than they think they’re capable of.
Sometimes, your child’s behavior can give you a clue. If they seem extremely anxious about making mistakes, or they worry deeply about disappointing you when they’ve made a minor misstep, it could be a sign that they’re picking up perfectionist tendencies from you.
4. Anxiety Over Independence
As the years go by, your child will need to exercise their independence on more occasions. This is especially true once they go off to school. If your child seems worried about making choices on their own, even if they’re inconsequential, it could be a sign of helicopter parenting. They may not know how to choose for themselves because they didn’t get to “practice” when they were younger.
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Are you concerned that you might be engaging in helicopter parenting? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for anxiety treatment to help you with parenting.