Maybe you’ve been with your partner for a few years, and you’ve noticed that the intense feelings which characterized the early “honeymoon phase” of your relationship have faded. Or perhaps you and your partner have been together for a decade or more.
You’re proud of the life you’ve built together. Yet there are days when you wish you could feel those butterflies again.
Sometimes, it can feel like the spark has faded between you and your partner. But this doesn’t mean that the love you share has disappeared. As the years go on, you’ll need to put in the effort to keep the sparks flying. Here are a few ways you and your partner can go the extra mile to keep the spark alive.
Surprise Each Other with Small Things
Introducing a bit of spontaneity into your relationship can remind you of the romantic moments you shared when you first got together. If you’ve been dating for a long time, you can easily fall into a rut with routines that don’t feel exciting.
By going out of your way to surprise each other, you might notice that your feelings of attraction towards your partner deepen. From writing cute love notes to buying small gifts for your partner, you can recreate those feelings of infatuation.
Plan Real Dates
Does it ever feel like you and your partner rarely have time to go on actual dates? Perhaps you’re both busy at work. Maybe it’s gotten difficult to make time just for each other since you’ve had children. You might have lots of other obligations, like caring for other family members or volunteering in your community. But making the time for dates with just the two of you can help you feel more affectionate towards each other.
Whether you want to go out to dinner at your favorite restaurant, go for a hike, or even plan a weekend away in another city, “dating” after many years together can bring the spark back.
Try New Activities Together
You and your partner might enjoy most of your hobbies separately. Maybe you also have a few activities that you’ve enjoyed together since the start of your relationship. You may have even originally bonded over these shared hobbies!
But trying something new together can introduce you to a new side of your partner. By exploring a different hobby, you can both challenges yourselves and grow closer through the experience.
Start Rituals
Having a romantic ritual can definitely help you and your partner feel that elusive spark again. Perhaps you could buy flowers for your partner once a week. Maybe you could cook together on Saturday nights and have a candlelit dinner.
Rituals can help you both stay grounded, and when you have these rituals to look forward to, they can serve as an oasis in the midst of your busy lives.
Find the Right Resources
What if you both feel a bit uninspired when it comes to rituals, new date ideas, or even hobbies you’d like to try? Maybe you’ve been trying to come up with fresh ways to keep the spark alive, yet you still feel like you’re coming up dry. At times like this, it can be helpful to turn to outside resources for some much-needed inspiration.
For instance, you and your partner might be interested in looking to resources from the Gottman Institute, like the “Marriage Minute” newsletter or their books, written from the perspective of married couples’ therapists. Resources like these can help you get creative when it comes to romance!
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Are you struggling to keep the spark alive in your relationship? Couples therapy can help. Reach out to me today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.