Do you ever find it hard to say “No” when people ask for help? Even if you’re pressed for time, you feel you have to say yes. And sometimes, you’re simply not interested in what they’re asking from you.
But despite your own misgivings, you worry that you’ll upset someone if you decline. Suddenly, you find yourself with so many commitments on your plate that you barely have time for yourself. And half the time, you don’t even enjoy all the responsibilities you agreed to help other people with.
However, it’s entirely possible to say “No” without being rude. Setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs is not selfish; it’s necessary! Here’s how to decline requests while being kind to the person who asked for help.
Be Polite
First, it’s important to recognize that simply saying “No” is not rude. To let someone down gently, it’s best to be as polite as possible and use gentle language.
Being polite can go a long way, and even if you can’t help someone, they will generally appreciate your kind response.
Empathize With Their Needs
When you respond to someone and tell them you won’t be available, taking the time to empathize with them is always a good idea. For example, you could mention that you’re sorry that you won’t be available, but you sincerely hope that they can get the help they need.
Even if you can’t help, chances are that you want the other person to succeed. Including an empathetic sentence or two makes for an appropriate response.
Offer An Alternative
What if someone has asked for your assistance with a time-consuming, difficult task, and you know you don’t have the skills, resources, or time to pitch in? However, you know you would be able to help with some related tasks that would be simpler to complete and easier to fit into your schedule.
If you have a genuine interest in helping, you can always tell the person that while you might be available to help with everything they need, you could offer your assistance for some minor tasks. They will likely appreciate that you are able to help at all!
Refer Someone Else
Someone has approached you for help, and you know you won’t be able to do what they’re asking. Or perhaps you just don’t want to - and that’s okay, too! However, you happen to know someone else who might be a better choice for the task they need help with.
Feel free to check in with this person first and see if they might be interested in helping. Then, refer both people to each other. That way, you won’t feel personally pressured to say “Yes,” but you can rest assured that someone else is providing the necessary support. It’s a win-win situation!
Be Clear and Firm
You might be tempted to give a vague, non-committal answer when someone asks you for help that you can’t or don’t want to provide. For instance, you may say something like, “I might be able to lend you a hand, but I”m very busy!”
Saying something along these lines might make you feel you’re being kinder because turning them down entirely feels too aggressive. But being clear and firm when you decline is key. That way, the other person has time to ask someone else for help and figure out their plan B.
Are you struggling with setting boundaries and saying no? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to discuss options for scheduling your first session.