As a parent, you might have learned a bit about attachment styles in relation to child development. Children who develop anxious, avoidant, or anxious-avoidant attachment styles with their parents may struggle to form healthy relationships in adulthood. You want to help your child form a secure attachment style so that they can enjoy happy, supportive friendships and relationships as they grow older, but you may be wondering how to accomplish this.
Perhaps you never had secure attachment styles modeled for you when you were young, and now, you’re curious about how you could demonstrate this for your own child. Here are a few things parents can do to develop secure attachments with their children.
Provide Comfort and Compassion
First, it’s important to ensure that your child sees you as someone they can go to for comfort. Whether they slip and fall and simply need a moment of compassion, or they’re dealing with a bigger problem, like bullying at school, they should know that they can turn to you for support.
Simply being there for your child when they’re struggling is key to developing a secure attachment style. The rest of the world can be stressful and overwhelming, but you can always be your child’s safe harbor.
Grant Freedom to Explore
While you should be the one who your child runs to when they need to feel secure, you also need to get comfortable with allowing them more independence as they get older. It can be scary to grant your child more freedom, but this is all part of growing up.
Part of helping your child develop a secure attachment style means letting them make their own choices and mistakes. They will learn that they’re capable of making the right choices for themselves, and still finding your support when they do make mistakes.
Consistency and Predictability
Being consistent in your approach to rules and discipline is essential for your child’s well-being. If your child does not know what to expect in terms of household rules, they might not even realize when they’re doing something that upsets you. In circumstances like this, discipline can feel “random” and catch them off guard, which affects their trust in you. Having predictable routines for your household will also help your child feel secure.
Communicate Openly
Children who develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles often had trouble communicating with their parents. They may have grown up in homes where they experienced neglect or abuse. Trying to ask questions or voice their opinions might have led to arguments or stonewalling.
Open communication is crucial for the development of secure attachment. Your child should feel like they can ask you practically anything, and you’ll answer to the best of your ability. When parents don’t communicate with their children, kids can feel confused and even scared.
Ensure Consequences Make Sense
Every parent needs to discipline their children once in a while. However, it’s important to ensure that the consequences for misbehaving actually make sense. Punishing your child too harshly for minor transgressions can make them feel like they should never admit to making a mistake or ask for help.
On the other hand, being very lenient can cause your child to think they’ll be able to get away with rule-breaking. Figuring out the right balance can be tough where discipline is concerned, but this is another area where predictable consequences and outcomes actually contribute to the development of a secure attachment style.
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Are you trying to cultivate a secure attachment with your child? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for women’s counseling.