After losing a loved one, needing time to grieve is normal and healthy. Trying to “rush” the process doesn’t serve the grieving person. In the wake of a loss, everyone needs space to honor their complex emotions.
If you’ve recently lost someone you love, you do not need to put up a pretense that everything is fine. Even when grief no longer stings so painfully, and you’re able to get back to your routines, you might not feel like “yourself” again for a while.
However, some people deal with grief that is so intense and long-lasting that it negatively affects nearly every aspect of their life for years on end. For adults, chronic grief is characterized by persistent, disabling grief that lasts for more than a year after a loss, with their symptoms interfering with their life on a near-daily basis.
Here are a few common signs and symptoms of chronic grief.
Intense Rumination
Someone who is dealing with chronic grief will often spend most of their waking hours ruminating on their loved one. They may feel like they are unable to focus on anything else.
Their tendency to ruminate can interfere with their relationships, work, and ability to carry out basic domestic tasks. They may even feel guilty if they’re not ruminating on their loved one.
Feeling Emotionally Numb
Many people who struggle with chronic grief feel emotionally numb. They may not experience the intense sadness or anger that people often associate with grief. Instead, they might feel like they’re sleepwalking through life.
They go through the motions of life without experiencing emotional highs and lows. Whether they are in a negative or positive situation, their emotional state feels flat, and they don’t experience much change from this baseline.
Sense of Disbelief Around Loved One’s Death
Chronic grief often involves a sense of disbelief regarding the death of a loved one. This does not mean that an individual with chronic grief genuinely believes their loved one is alive, but they may struggle to accept that their loved one will never come back.
They might seek out psychics or other people who promise that they can contact their loved one, which can create false hope and lead to excessive spending. Additionally, they might look for signs or proof that their loved one is still present in some way.
Extreme Focus on the Loss, or Extreme Avoidance
People with chronic grief might focus on their loss to the exclusion of everything else, or they can end up trying to avoid every reminder of their loved one.
This might even include avoiding people who were related to or friends with their loved one. They may take down their loved one’s photos or try to get rid of items their loved one gave them.
Difficulty Performing Daily Activities
When someone has suffered a loss, they may have trouble returning to work, getting back to their hobbies, or even taking care of household chores, like cooking. If the loss is recent, this is not abnormal. Many people need time to truly rest and heal after a loss.
They may wish they could take more time off than the bereavement leave allowed by their workplace. But people with chronic grief can struggle to handle basic responsibilities for years after a loss. They may not be able to keep their home clean, hold down a job, respond to friends who check in on them, or pay bills on time.
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Are you struggling to cope with chronic grief? A therapist can help you heal while honoring your loved one. Reach out to us to learn more about our grief counseling options.