Perhaps you’ve always felt like a bit of a people-pleaser. You try to be polite and kind to everyone, even if they do not always treat you the same way. Plus, you often find yourself dismissing your own feelings and keeping quiet about your opinions for the sake of making other people feel comfortable. Now that you have a child, people-pleasing is interfering with your parenting efforts.
There are a few ways that people-pleasing tendencies can crop up for parents. First, you might feel pressured to meet the conflicting parenting expectations of many different people, from your own parents to your in-laws to your neighbors, which is impossible. Additionally, you may even find yourself struggling to stick to the rules you have put in place for your child. Here’s how to tackle different forms of people-pleasing as a parent and why upholding boundaries is so crucial.
Pleasing Everyone Is Not Realistic
People-pleasers want to make everyone happy somehow. But this is a completely impossible standard. Trying to make everyone happy will probably leave no one very happy, including yourself!
Sometimes, you’ll disagree with your friends on parenting styles. Yes, your child will get upset with you for sticking to your rules. They might be disappointed at the moment. But this is simply part of life, and no amount of people-pleasing attempts can change that. You do not have to stretch yourself thin trying to achieve the impossible.
Many People Make Demands with No Credibility
When it comes to dealing with comments about your parenting decisions, remember that many of the people giving you suggestions are not basing their recommendations off of any substantial knowledge. What worked for their child may not work for yours, and that’s okay!
If you’re trying to figure out whose advice you should listen to, think about whose opinions you trust and respect, especially those who have dealt with the same challenges in parenting that you have.
Remember, You Know Your Children Best
Every parent gets a bit tired of dealing with unsolicited comments about their approach to parenting. If you feel tempted to bend over backwards to somehow please the people making these comments, remember that you know your children and their needs better than they ever will!
Sometimes, you can apply this same perspective when your children are pushing back on your rules. When they are young, you understand what they need when they do not have the capability to handle responsibilities on their own yet.
Walking Back on Your Boundaries Sets a Precedent
If you start bending your own boundaries to make other people happy, or simply to avoid complaints from your kids, it sets an unfortunate precedent. Your kids might feel comfortable trying to push your buttons, knowing that it might actually work.
Additionally, people will continue to try to persuade you to adopt their own views on parenting. But if you can set solid boundaries and stick with them for the long haul, you can establish yourself as someone who is confident in your own perspective.
Setting a Strong Example for Your Children
In the future, your children will benefit from having a parent who knows how to set boundaries. This is an important life skill that they will need to put into practice as they get older. When you show them what boundaries look like in action, they will feel more comfortable applying boundaries in their personal lives as adults.
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Are you struggling with people-pleasing tendencies as a parent? A therapist can help you overcome these patterns. Reach out to us to learn more about our therapy options for parents.