Have you ever received parenting criticism? For many parents, unwarranted advice and criticism start happening before their first child is even born. People might think that they’re helping, but the barrage of suggestions can be overwhelming. Once your child is born, you might be exposed to criticisms of your parenting style for years to come.
Your in-laws, parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors may be a little too eager to share all of their opinions about your parenting decisions and your child’s welfare.
How can you handle criticism gracefully and know when to ignore it? Here are a few tips to help you deal with parenting criticism and tune into your own intuition.
Consider the Source
When someone criticizes your parenting, take a moment to stop and consider the source. It’s one thing if a parent of one of your child’s classmates makes an offhand rude comment about how you run your household. It’s safe to say that you can almost always dismiss comments like this.
But if your child’s pediatrician voices a concern about your child’s mental or physical wellbeing that you need to attend to, don’t brush it off right away. Think about how well the critic knows you, your child, and the rest of your family, and whether they truly have your best interest at heart.
Cross-Check With Someone You Trust
Maybe you can’t quite get a piece of criticism out of your mind. You want to ignore it, but for whatever reason the critic has gotten under your skin, even if you’re not sure that their criticism is even valid. Why not check in with someone you trust who has given you good advice in the past? Sometimes cross-checking with a loved one who truly cares about you can be the best way to put your mind at ease.
Set Boundaries
Perhaps someone has levied criticism at you more times than you can count. You know that they’re not doing it because they’re truly concerned about you. Instead, they’re simply trying to put you down in an underhanded way. You may need to set some boundaries so that you don’t interact with this person so often. If the person in question is an in-law, talk to your spouse about their behavior.
Have a One-on-One Conversation
What if the criticism came from someone who are you close to, but it still hurt? You may want to have a one-on-one conversation with this person so that you can express how you feel. Let them know why the criticism hurt you, or why you felt like they misunderstood your parenting decisions. Sometimes, our loved ones let criticisms slip out without really meaning it. Chances are, they will apologize when you tell them how you really felt when you heard their criticism.
Who Knows Your Child Best?
At the end of the day, keep in mind that you know your child best. Yes, other people are free to offer their advice and criticism, but you are not obligated to accept it. You know what your child needs, and when you’re dealing with a parenting issue that you don’t know how to solve, you know who you can trust to give you good advice.
Unfortunately, many people feel like their parenting style is the only way to be a parent - but every child is unique, and you understand your child better than anybody else does. Ultimately, parenting decisions are in your hands.
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Are you struggling with parenting criticism? Talking to a therapist can help you learn how to cope. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for postpartum therapy or parent counseling.