Maybe your relationship with your spouse has been rocky lately. Perhaps you’ve been fighting constantly, or you rarely communicate at all, and you feel distant from each other. You might have even realized that the two of you hold opposing values on crucial topics, or you have differences that are simply irreconcilable.
You might be questioning whether the two of you really have a future together. At times, you may start fantasizing about divorce—you can’t help but wonder if you would feel happier and freer on your own. But is divorce really the right answer?
Here are a few steps you can take to determine what’s best for you and your spouse.
Get Specific
First, it’s important to consider what you’re really fantasizing about. Get specific about your thoughts relating to your marriage and a possible divorce. What do you feel is missing in your marriage? How do you think this would change if you and your spouse were to separate? In which ways would your life be different? What would remain the same?
By moving beyond fantasies and grounding yourself in the reality of different scenarios, you can begin to weigh your options.
Ask Questions
As you ask yourself questions, you can dig deeper into the meaning behind your fantasies. Maybe you view divorce as synonymous with freedom, and you feel trapped in your current marriage.
Ask what divorce represents to you, and if it would be possible to make these changes within the context of your marriage with your spouse— or if there’s truly no path to building the future you want together.
Try Individual Therapy
Therapy can be highly beneficial for people who are fantasizing about divorce. It can be helpful to talk to a therapist on your own. You can share your unfiltered thoughts on your marriage, as well as what you’re going through as an individual. You’ll learn skills that can help you no matter what you decide to do next.
Furthermore, you’ll get the chance to explore what you truly want out of life, and privately consider whether you can live the life you dream of with your spouse by your side. Individual therapy can be a smart first step if you’re considering divorce.
Seek Couples Therapy
In addition to seeing a therapist on your own, you may also want to pursue couples therapy. The goal of couples therapy is not to force spouses to stay together if it’s not truly right for them.
However, if you decide you want to stick together and fix your marriage, your therapist can help you communicate, come up with problem-solving strategies, and find ways to meet each other’s needs. If you both conclude that separating would be in your best interests, your therapist can help you navigate your separation amicably.
Don’t Wait to Address the Issue
Overall, if divorce is on your mind, don’t put off addressing the problem. Even if you’re not ready to make a final decision yet, do not try to brush the issue under the rug until it’s too late. Talking to a therapist early on is one of the best things you can do for your own well-being and the future of your relationship.
If a problem has been brewing, you may be able to nip it in the bud before it drives a permanent wedge between you and your spouse. Acting early is the smartest decision you can make in this complicated situation.
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Have you caught yourself fantasizing about divorce? Individual and couples therapy can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.