Do you constantly fear being rejected in relationships? This doesn’t just come into play if you want to ask someone out on a date, or if you’re trying to get to know a potential new friend; your fear of rejection also crops up in established relationships with people who probably have never given you a reason not to trust them.
As a result, you constantly ask your significant other, friends, and family members what they really think of you. It might be hard to resist the urge to apologize constantly, something that can irritate your loved ones. You may be nervous to open up when you’re genuinely upset or hurt. You’re so terrified that doing so will cause your loved ones to cut off the relationship.
Yet these behaviors can actually form barriers to genuine relationships. This is because honesty, vulnerability, and trust are critical to building real connections. Rejection anxiety makes it hard to cultivate these qualities. Here’s how to gradually overcome rejection anxiety.
Evaluate Your Relationships
While rejection anxiety can cause you to mistrust even healthy relationships, it’s important to take a step back and be honest about the quality of your relationships. If someone is genuinely mistreating you, or acts hot and cold towards you, it’s no wonder you’re experiencing rejection anxiety. You may need to take a step back from relationships that encourage these tendencies to truly heal.
Make an Effort to Get Rejected
Sometimes, allowing yourself to get rejected for “silly” things can actually help you get more comfortable with the idea of rejection itself. For example, dancing in public and realizing that no one is actually paying much attention can empower you to feel less self-conscious. Entering a contest, pitching a creative idea to a website, or trying an activity that’s all new to you can show you that failure is nothing to fear.
Identify Specific “Compulsions”
Maybe you’re prone to apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong. Perhaps you frequently ask your loved ones if they’re mad at you. Alternatively, you might hold your tongue when you’ve actually been hurt.
Identify the specific areas in your relationships where your rejection anxiety crops up. Try engaging in healthier coping mechanisms the next time you feel the urge to engage in one of these compulsions. You might want to breathe deeply, journal about your feelings, or take a walk to calm down.
Making Simple “Bids for Connection”
If you’re nervous about rejection, start small when it comes to “bids for connections.” A bid for connection is any action or request that can help you deepen your relationship with someone, from suggesting that you hang out to asking them for a favor.
By making minor bids for connection rather than major requests from your loved ones, you can get accustomed to your “bids” being accepted or rejected at different times, which is the norm for any relationship.
Take Small Steps into Vulnerability
Opening up to other people and allowing yourself to be vulnerable isn’t always easy. By opening up gradually, you can deepen your relationships without feeling overwhelmed. Try sharing something new with a friend, or asking them for their advice on a problem you’re having.
If you have rejection anxiety, you might feel like you’re always hiding part of yourself in relationships. When you learn to be vulnerable, you can finally bring your whole self into relationships, which can help you feel more secure around your loved ones.
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Is rejection anxiety interfering with your relationships? A therapist can help you heal these tendencies. Call or email our office, or fill out our contact form, to book an appointment for anxiety counseling.