Lots of women feel as though they need to be “perfect” in order to be loved and accepted. Deep down, we all know that perfection is an impossible standard. But starting in childhood, our culture teaches women that it’s their duty to strive for perfection. This pressure extends into every area of life, including looking attractive at all costs, making no mistakes as a mother, maintaining a perfect home, succeeding in the professional sphere, and acting warm and bubbly no matter the circumstances.
Trying to uphold these standards can leave women feeling drained, anxious, and emotionally guarded. Here’s why so many women experience the intense pressure to be perfect, and how you can gradually release these feelings.
Messaging from Society
Society repeatedly promotes the idea that women must be perfect. This pressure goes beyond messaging from mainstream media outlets. Women are often exposed to such pressure from their loved ones, who may have higher expectations for them than men in the same social circles. Advertisements, social media content, and comments from family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and religious leaders can all instill this idea.
After years of being taught that women should be perfect, it’s no wonder that women struggle to forgive themselves for mistakes in adulthood, or chase their true passions rather than trying to fit into socially acceptable boxes.
Social Consequences to Making Mistakes
Women often face social consequences for small mistakes. On the other hand, men are frequently let off the hook. Therefore, it’s easy to see why women fear making mistakes. They worry that they be left to deal with major consequences, or blamed for problems that other people cause. It’s unfair, and it’s frustrating for women to try and walk this tightrope.
Surround Yourself with Accepting People
It’s not easy to live a life that’s true to you when women who are unapologetic about their needs and desires can face harsh judgments. But you might be surprised to find that when you do start acting from a place of authenticity, you inspire others, and you start attracting people who love you for who you truly are.
If people in your life frequently judge you for benign reasons, it’s time to take a step back and set reasonable boundaries, or reconsider these relationships altogether. When you cultivate a social circle that celebrates your unique strengths, you’ll feel free to be yourself.
Take Small Steps Toward Authenticity
Getting comfortable with imperfection and honesty isn’t an overnight process. You don’t have to make dramatic life changes right away. Instead, try taking some small steps to honor what you truly want. It could be as simple as planning a solo weekend day for activities you personally enjoy, wearing an outfit you love that isn’t particularly trendy, or picking out a book you’ve always wanted to read from the library.
It all sounds simple, but activities like these help you get in touch with yourself.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the antidote to perfectionism. Whether you’ve made an actual mistake, or someone is judging you for merely stepping outside of the “norms” for women, you do not have to berate yourself. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend who needs a pick-me-up.
Often, women engage in negative self-talk that mirrors the criticism they get from society. But this kind of self-talk doesn’t push you to be “better.” It just demoralizes you. Positive self-talk can help you forgive yourself and celebrate your wins.
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By reaching out to our practice, you can begin working with a women’s therapist to let go of perfectionist tendencies and build a life centered on your authentic values.